On January 23rd my whole world was turned upside down in one moment, one instant. One sentence changed everything. "Mrs. Butterfield your daughter said your husband has been touching her inappropriately." CPS and a detective were at my door talking to me. My mind was racing. "This can't be happening, my kids are going to be home from school any minute. This isn't real."
I have debated about blogging about this and my life moving forward for months. The idea first came to me after reading Ashlee Birk's blog, The Moments We Stand. Her blog was so helpful to me and I loved the way she told her story without making it a "poor me" situation. Due to the sensitive nature of my story I told myself no it needs to stay private. It's not just my story either. It's my kids story. It's my ex's story. It's everybody's story who loves us and was affected by this. So I said no. The nagging feeling kept coming back to me to blog. Then one day my brother gave me a priesthood blessing (I'm LDS, you can learn more about my faith and my beliefs at lds.org) and I was told I needed to share my story to help others. Tears streamed down my face. I hadn't even talked to my brother about my thoughts of a blog or sharing my story. Still I pushed it away. "Heavenly Father are you sure this is right? Are you sure the whole world needs to know this? Will my kids be okay if I share this? I'm afraid. I'm afraid of hurting people by telling this story. I'm afraid I'm doing the wrong thing." Again I pushed it aside. Last night I said a prayer, "I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing Heavenly Father. This is so hard and so overwhelming. I don't want to be a single parent. I need a job. I need to be happy and make good choices but I don't know what those choices are supposed to be." Again the thought came, "Share your story. Share your testimony. Help others. The rest will fall into place." I needed to think about it. I didn't want to share my story with EVERYONE. Today my sister texted me and said, "Brad and I think you should start a blog." Okay! Okay! I hear you loud and clear Heavenly Father. So here I am putting myself out there. Putting my entire family and extended family out there trusting that He knows better than I do.
DISCLAIMER: Let me be clear before I blog anything more that I will not tolerate name calling of my kid's father. What he did was despicable, yes, but he is still my children's father. He is a child of God and he is loved by God. Do I respect what he's done? No! Do I love him still? Not romantically certainly. I will NEVER defend or support his actions. However, he is important to Heavenly Father. A scripture comes to mind: Luke 15:4 " What man of you, having an hundred sheep, if he lose one of them, doth not leave the ninety and nine in the wilderness, and go after that which is lost, until he find it? " And Luke 15:10 "Likewise, I say unto you, there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner that repenteth." It is my belief that my ex is a "lost sheep". It is not my job to save him but it is my job to forgive him. Please have respect for my family and my beliefs on this matter. Lecture over.
These last 5 months I have learned more about the atonement and my relationship with Heavenly Father than I ever thought possible. I have seen miracles. I have literally had Heavenly Father put words in my mouth. I have cried many nights. I have been overwhelmed. I have found happiness again. I have been grounded. I have become stronger than I ever dreamed. I have watched my daughter grow and forgive and handle adult situations with a maturity I'm not even sure I possess. I have come to know the goodness and charity of others is REAL. Every day brings something new and a new lesson learned. Through it all I find pure love and joy unlike anything I've ever known. I am a Daughter of a Heavenly Father and I blog to share my testimony. I blog to let others know they aren't alone. I blog to make someone else's burden a little lighter. If my story can help just one person I will have succeeded. So to that one person Heavenly Father is mindful of you. It is my testimony that WE. ARE. ALL. LOVED. Let that sink in a minute. Even in the darkest moments of your life when you feel so alone and your world is turned upside down you can be braver, stronger, and fearless.
Those IS brave Celeste. We are behind you 100%.
ReplyDeleteI can't wait to read more of your writing. You have been given an overwhelming challenge. But I can't wait to see the blessings you will receive. Stay strong and keep writing!
ReplyDeleteMy family is also dealing with this, my sister's husband did the same thing to one of his daughters. He's now in jail. We feel your pain. Thanks for sharing your story. I am confident it will help others. Bless you. Bless your sweet family.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, thank you for being brave enough to share this information with the world. As I read your blog I was reminded of a scripture, it is below. If you will remember to "make your eye single to the glory of God" he can and WILL heal you, your family and make everything complete in this life.
ReplyDeleteD&C 88:67 And if your eye be single to my glory, your whole bodies shall be filled with light, and there shall be no darkness in you; and that body which is filled with light comprehendeth all things.
68 Therefore, sanctify yourselves that your minds become single to God, and the days will come that you shall see him; for he will unveil his face unto you, and it shall be in his own time, and in his own way, and according to his own will.
One of my friends on Facebook shared your latest post (relationship status: Divorced) today. I had never heard of this blog. But just the few posts I have read have released my anguish. I may just be the one person that needed to hear this. My husband was just sentenced in September for molesting my niece. I found out right before Christmas and have had 9 months of waiting, and anger from my family. I wish I would have found your blog this very first post back in June. Your blessing was correct. I am so glad there is somebody else out there, in my area, that is overcoming the same hurt.
ReplyDelete