The Question All Christians Should Ask : "Am I a Christian?"

   

    Josh Duggar, Cherish Peterson, Nic Butterfield. What do these 3 people have in common? One is famous and is used to being in the public eye. Another is a mother from Arizona who I know very little about. Finally the last is my ex whom I know a lot about and he is pretty well known in the valley where we live. What links these three together? They are all Christians whose mistakes have been made public. They have all been judged very harshly by other people who are Christian as well.
   What is a Christian? Let's look at the basic definition:

 

Chris·tian

ˈkrisCHən/

noun

plural noun: Christians

1. a person who has received Christian baptism or is a believer in Jesus Christ and his teachings

 

 "A believer in Jesus Christ and his teachings". That stuck out to me. On my own path to forgiveness for Nic I have thought a lot about what it means to be a Christian. Jesus taught a lot of things many of which I still don't fully comprehend. I don't claim to be an expert on His life although I am daily trying to learn more about Him. We learn through the scriptures repeatedly that Jesus taught about love. Jesus taught about compassion. Jesus taught about forgiveness. The Sermon on the Mount is a terrific example of a time that He taught these virtues.

 

 

Matthew 5:38-40

 

38 ¶Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth:

 39 But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.

 40 And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloak also.

 

Matthew 5: 43-44

 

43 ¶Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy.

 44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;

 

Matthew 7:1-5

 

1 Judge not, that ye be not judged.

 2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.

 3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?

 4 Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?

 5 Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.

 

At the Last Supper He, again, gives counsel to love one another.

 

John 13: 34-35

 

34 A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.

 35 By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.

    

  I could go on. There are so many accounts in the scriptures where Jesus tells us to love one another. To forgive our enemies. Not to place judgment.

  I have seen so many people say such awful hateful things. I'm not the type to be hateful and never have been but I have been guilty of placing judgment. Before this experience of abuse in my own life my perspective towards obvious sin was very different. If someone made an obvious mistake then I could be quick to jump on the band wagon of casting blame. I had moments where I was an "eye for an eye" kind of person. I am ashamed of those thoughts and thinking patterns. When Nic was sentenced they published it in the paper and the online media forums for the paper. I made the mistake of reading some of the comments below. It made me physically ill. What he did was heinous but when did it become okay to wish for a complete stranger to die?

 Josh Duggar, Cherish Peterson, and Nic Butterfield have all been publically and openly judged. They have varying levels of mistakes. In Cherish's case it was just that, a mistake. Nic and Josh have actually sinned. Whatever the reason or cause, when did it become okay to point fingers and condemn someone? Where in the scriptures does Christ give us permission to call someone a terrible mother? Where does Christ say it's okay to hate someone we don't even know? Where does it say it's okay to hate period? I do feel compassion for Josh Duggar. It is a heart wrenching and grievous thing his family is now having to endure as a result of his choices. I feel so much empathy for his wife. He has obviously made some horrible mistakes and choices but I am not perfect. I cannot cast a stone. There needs to be consequences. I am a firm believer in being accountable for ALL of our choices. If I didn't believe in accountability I would not have gone to such great lengths in my life to see that Nic was held accountable. What I cannot and do not support is spreading judgment and hate. Instead of name calling and labeling how much better would this world be if we sought for solutions for the problem. How can we stop abuse? Does calling him an explicit term do anything to keep it from happening to someone else? No! Stand  up and choose to make a difference. Stand up and choose to think a little deeper about motivations and the cause of the problem. When we choose to expand our thoughts beyond judgment and hate we will find solutions to problems. When we choose to embrace love and seek His help then we can make a difference! Be more intelligent then the ignorance of hatred!

   If we want this world to become a better place then we need to teach our children to follow Christ. To really love one another including our enemies and those we don't understand. I will never fully understand or comprehend  Nic's choices but I don't need to. It doesn't say love your enemy only if you understand them. Comprehension for someone's behavior is not required in order to have compassion for them. Initially there was a lot of anger. Finally I had to look inside myself and really question ,"Am I a Christian? What does that mean?"

   Bottom line no matter what it is, sin or innocent mistake ; stop passing judgment! Stop spreading hate! If we claim to be Christians then we need to try a little harder and make more of an effort to forgive and love EVERYBODY! Will I love perfectly like Christ did? Probably not. But I can sure be better then I have been before.

  A friend of mine shared this quote today on a facebook group page that is supporting Cherish with the hashtag of #istandwithcherish or as I like to call it #stopspreadinghate #nojudgment #compassion #iamaChristian #loveoneanother

 

"Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don't judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet. Charity is accepting someone's differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let us down; or resisting the impulse to become offended when someone doesn't handle something the way we might have hoped. Charity is refusing to take advantage of another's weakness and being willing to forgive someone who has hurt us. Charity is expecting the best of each other.

None of us need one more person bashing or pointing out where we have failed or fallen short. Most of us are already well aware of the areas in which we are weak. What each of us does need is family, friends, employers, and brothers and sisters who support us, who have the patience to teach us, who believe in us, and who believe we're trying to do the best we can, in spite of our weaknesses. What ever happened to giving each other the benefit of the doubt? What ever happened to hoping that another person would succeed or achieve? What ever happened to rooting for each other?"

~Marvin J. Ashton

 

 

 

 

 

 

Joy: A feeling of great pleasure and happiness.

   My brain has been on overload the last few days so forgive me if this post seems a little disjointed. I have had so many different thoughts and experiences that have enriched me. I feel like I am in a place where I really know joy. The thing about this trial and obstacle I've gone through is it really has given me an opportunity to become more self aware and to grow in the gospel. I was conversing with my Relief Society president on Sunday and she said, "Isn't it amazing the things we go through that teach us to develop greater compassion and wisdom?" Truth is as I've reflected on that question I wouldn't change one single moment of my heartache if it meant I wouldn't be where I am today. I am so much more receptive to the spirit than I was before. I feel like I am receiving so many personal revelations everyday about all kinds of gospel principles. I am more compassionate than I have ever been in the sense that I really know now what compassion looks like. I have always desired nothing more than to grow closer to my Heavenly Father and I feel like I am on the right track. I feel so comfortable in my skin because I know now more than ever how much Heavenly Father loves me. This knowledge and growth didn't come without pain (a lot of it) and I don't think I would have received it without experiencing the hard stuff. I don't think I was capable of such growth while being in such a toxic relationship. I am Celeste. It is the weirdest feeling to try and describe but I feel like me. I feel very authentic.
   Don't mistake my confidence in myself for arrogance. I know that without Heavenly Father I am nothing. Plain and simple. Anything that is noteworthy or honorable about me is all because of Him.
   I guess what I'm trying to say is don't let ANYTHING or ANYONE hold you back from becoming the person God intended you to be. We have all been given such unique and wonderful qualities. These attributes are divine gifts from our Heavenly Father. Cultivate and nurture them so that you can use these gifts to be a tool for good. Just looking at my siblings I see a vast array of talents and attributes. I love them for their differences and they all bless me because they are different! As you develop these attributes more fully you will receive greater joy than you ever thought possible.
   Sometimes we are placed in situations of hardship and trial. We have very little control sometimes over our circumstances. What I say to that is do your best and you can control your outlook. Honestly speaking when you look at this last 6 months of my life on paper it has been the worst 6 months of my life. However, it has also oddly enough been the happiest.
   One day I discovered at bedtime that my daughter had lice. LICE!!!! Never in my life have I had lice or known anyone personally that had lice and now was the time for me to be so fortunate? We had all been sick and in my head I made a list of all of the things that had already gone wrong. Abuse, lies, divorce, eternal family torn apart, no income, minivan repossessed, washer broke down, etc. I literally sat there and looked for all of the things that had gone wrong. I stayed up late cleaning; trying to rid the house of lice. It came time to pull out the vacuum and I plugged it in and turned it on only to find it wasn't working. The plastic was cracked and it no longer had any suction. "YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!?!" I believe were my exact thoughts (maybe peppered with a swear word or two). I called up my good friend Shannon and had her pick me up another vacuum. She ran to Walmart and picked me up one after sending me a few comparisons via text message. Still my mood was absolutely toxic. The poor me pity party was in full force. Finally it got to the point where it couldn't go on any longer. It was nearly 3 in the morning when I finally broke down in tears and humbled myself in prayer. The thought came to me, "Do you feel better now? Did anything get better because you threw a fit?" Silence. I was stunned. "Hello Celeste, what are you doing?!? This is not who you are, this crybaby who is such an ungrateful brat!!" I decided right then and there that I would choose happiness. That scene would not repeat itself. I have been down since then but I have never lost my cool or felt that same entitlement like I did that day. I have learned that in life you have 2 choices: misery or happiness. You can't have both. You can't choose to be so negative and expect positive results.
  Since developing an "attitude of gratitude" I really have come to know so much joy despite the heartbreaks and nuisances. My eyes have been opened to others suffering and I have developed a greater compassion for all of God's children. It's not something that always comes naturally to me. Some days I have to really work at changing my attitude. Some days are just plain hard. I can't change that. I can only change my attitude.  I have always loved this song by Jo Dee Messina titled " Bring on the Rain." It encourages me to roll with the punches and just keep trying.
   Now that I am in this healthier, happier place I realize that you don't get into a relationship expecting that person to complete you. They shouldn't be your "other half" as is common to say. You should be whole going into the relationship and that person should only add to your joy and growth. I am responsible for my own happiness and salvation, no one else is. When both people get into a relationship with that same attitude there are less insecurities and there is more time to simply love and nourish each other. When I get in a relationship again it will be because I want that person in my life not because I need them to fulfill me. It will be because they love Heavenly Father as much as I do and they are whole in their understanding of His love for them. It will be because we give each other a desire to be better and to strive harder to be our best selves. I know joy now and he will only add to that. A relationship won't be what I'm waiting for in order to have joy.
   Tonight I had such a neat experience with my kids. I was able to run and play with them at the playground and I truly felt like a child again. They had a blast and I had a blast! We stayed there and played for much longer than I had intended and on the way home my daughter said, "Mom that was the best day ever!" My heart melted in that moment. How is it that it took so much crap for me to remember what it felt like to be a child? It really was a joyful, carefree evening and I know in my heart that I will always find joy in the middle of the storm as long as I stay deeply rooted in the gospel. Joy is a choice.

       Here are some random quotes (you know how I love quotes) that have helped me better understand joy and how to develop and maintain it in my own life and relationships.

 

 

 

 

And a couple of my favorites from Sister Hinckley:

 



  

The Choices We Make

    After writing my last post my day began to spiral downward. The stress of looking for a job, trying to sell my house, all of the legal stuff that comes with a divorce, and being my kids everything started to wear on me. It all seemed to beat down on me. So I loaded the kids up in the car to get some sunshine and run some errands. While I was sitting there in traffic my negative thoughts only got worse. "Why do you think you can blog to help others? What do you think you're doing? You can't even handle your own life and you're going to help other people?! Get a grip!" I began to feel like a terrible mother. I just sat there in the 100 degree weather, trying to ignore the fighting kids in the backseat and had a pity party for myself in the middle of traffic. I'm not sure how this thought came to me next but all of a sudden I reversed course and just said, "stop it Celeste!!!!" I began to remind myself that happiness was a choice not a destination. I began to listen to those screaming voices in the back seat and feel grateful I was the one that got to hear those screams (unpleasant as they are). I reflected on my financial concerns and reminded myself of all the times I didn't know how we were going to make it and then something came up that provided. I decided to turn on some happy music to keep this positive momentum going.
    It is true that I am no shining beacon on a hill. I am a far cry from perfect. I swear when I shouldn't. I throw myself pity parties. I lose my temper with my kids almost daily. I cannot stop myself from lusting after Chris Hemsworth and Chris Pratt and Sam Hunt (I could go on but the list is embarrassingly long). I am selfish. I waste far too much time with Dubsmash. I never take meals to anyone in my ward and in fact I do my best to avoid it (I don't really cook for my family either). The point is I am human. People often comment on how strong I am. The truth is I'm not always. I guess if being strong means you keep trying then yes I'm strong. I love my Heavenly Father and I will always try for Him. I am not a perfect person and will never be. I will probably offend you at some point if I haven't already. Bottom line today in the car I accepted those things about myself and I chose to keep trying to be better and to be happy despite them.
   Satan plays this game with me all of the time where he tries to get me to negate all of the good things I do because I did something not good. He tries to get me to feel bad and not believe in myself. I feel like the same thing happens to people like my ex, Nic. What he did was horrendous and much worse than anything most of us have done but does that discredit the good things he did? I don't think it does. I feel like once someone hears the term, "murderer" or "sex offender" that they instantly think bad person. They really might be but I don't know that. I'm not their judge. I don't know all. I guess I used to think things were so black and white. Good and bad. When you go through abuse or live it you realize there is actually a lot of gray. Nic and I had a lot of good times together. We had happy times. There were times he made me feel so loved. He was a terrific friend. He could be a great daddy. That is what makes this so complicated and difficult to process. That is why it is so hard for victims to leave their abusers. Ultimately the choices themselves that he made to abuse were black. They were really bad. There were other choices he made that were white and good. I think that's how we get the gray. It's too hard for me to sort it out and I can't do it. I'm not God. I don't know what was in his heart or how hard he tried to fight. As victims we simply have to get out. We have to say goodbye to the good parts because the flip side is too dangerous. We have to protect ourselves and especially our children. I don't support what he did. I will never understand what he did. It is an evil thing beyond my comprehension but I don't have to understand it. I just have to protect my kids and forgive. Forgiveness is not the same thing as forgetting when it comes to abuse. Be smart and protect yourself. Don't go back. Abuse patterns are SO hard to break and change.
    All of this leads me to one topic: Choices. Some might say I had a right to have a pity party given the circumstances but I chose to be happy instead. The choice Nic made to engage in sexually abusive behavior was his downfall. He made a lot of good choices before that. Obviously, he married me. jk (I couldn't resist.) Seriously though he chose to get married in the temple. He chose to have a family. He chose to attend church. He chose to work to support his family. One stupid little choice can lead to another stupid choice and before you know it you're at the bottom because you've made a really big, bad choice. Be careful with what you choose!!!! Every choice we make matters. Every choice we make determines our next choice. Nic didn't wake up one day and decide he was going to abuse our daughter. He made a lot of poor little choices that led to that choice. It is never too late to pull a Celeste and say "Stop it!!" Stop the thought process in its tracks and turn it around. Don't let those bad thoughts win. Don't let yourself get to rock bottom. Don't even play with fire. As soon as you recognize something isn't right STOP! Choose light. Choose Christ. Choose to try.

                                           Proof that Nic made some good choices: