How?

One of my mom's biggest concerns about passing on is she wants to make sure I'm okay. She longs to see me happily married to a wonderful man who will be crazy about me and my kiddos. Since her diagnosis I have reassured her many times that I will be okay because I am okay right now. I honestly believe it. I know that no matter what, marriage or not, I will be okay. I will figure out my career and with Heavenly Father's help I will be enough for my kids. It will be very challenging at times but I will be okay.

A couple of days ago I had gone upstairs and read Jesus the Christ with my mom. Towards the end of the chapter we were on I started to feel kind of funny. I don't know how to explain it other than I just felt really tired and off, nothing major was wrong and there were no distinct symptoms but I just didn't feel well. It was a general feeling of ick. So for the first time in months I took a nap. When I awoke I felt really peaceful and the veil felt very thin, almost as if I had seen a loved one who had passed on in a dream. All throughout that day I couldn't shake the feeling that I had had contact with a loved one's spirit and that they were nearby. It was a very sweet and calming feeling.

Later that evening a thought popped in my head, "why now does the veil feel thin?" That thought left me feeling a little uneasy as I connected it to my mom and her condition. Soon thoughts were coming like, "is she going to pass really soon?" and "am I being prepared for her passing". I finally dozed off a little only to awaken around one a.m. with an anxious feeling. I needed to go check on my mom. It was late and I didn't want to scare her but I listened to that feeling and crept quietly up the back stairs. When I cracked open her door she looked at me. "Mom are you okay?" "I'm fine what's wrong? Come sit by me." I sat by her on the bed and told her what I'd been feeling that day. In regards to my nap she suggested I was being taught by heavenly spirits in my dreams. We talked for a while and it felt like old times before she got sick. Finally I said, "Mom I really do know I'm going to be okay when you pass but I need to hear you say it. I need to know that you know I'm going to be okay.  I am going to be okay, right?" She quietly and confidently replied, "You are going to be okay. I raised my kids to be tough stuff and you will be just fine. Happier times are coming." That night I did feel more comforted after talking to my mom and fell asleep pretty quickly once I went back to bed.

The next day I made plans to attend the temple. I really needed some extra comfort and wanted to go to the Jordan River Temple one last time before it closed for renovations. As I was sitting through a session the same questions from the day before kept popping back into my mind. "Was I being prepared for her passing and was it going to happen sooner than I was expecting?" In the Celestial room my thoughts were focused on the Plan of Salvation and mortality. I sat there contemplating for a long time when I finally began to cry and I looked up at the chandelier as if looking to the Heavens and asked, "How am I going to be okay? I know I will be but how?" And with that the tears flowed freely. I knew I would be okay one way or another because of what I've already been through but losing my mom..... that is an overwhelming thought despite being 100% confident of where she's going to be and that I will still feel her. The fear and sorrow I hadn't allowed myself to feel was finally felt in that Celestial room because I knew I would find comfort there. What I didn't expect was for Heavenly Father to answer my question right then and there. With tears still streaming down my cheeks a sweet, young blonde woman, whom I noticed had also been crying, came over and sat down next to me. "Would you like someone to talk to? I noticed you were also crying and thought maybe we could give each other some comfort." We sat there whispering our stories and our pain to each other and exchanged words of comfort and support. After we had changed our clothes we hugged and exchanged phone numbers. "I'm so glad I met you!" She said. "Me too, and don't hesitate to text me or call."

I got in the car and I felt so much better. I felt sorrow for this woman and her trials but I was no longer focused on mine. How marvelous to have made a friend in the temple of all places. Surely our paths were meant to cross. However, it wasn't until I was nearly home that I heard my answer. "That's how. You will be okay because I will send others to comfort you just like I always have. I will use my other children to comfort you and you will comfort them. Service. That's how."

What a powerful moment that was for me! Just by being kind we are serving. A simple smile or a few kind words can be the answer to someone's prayers and in turn we can find the answer to ours. These little acts of service can become our how to make it through a difficult trial. When we act on those promptings to serve we lift each other up and "how am I going to be okay?" turns into "who needs my help?"

Prison Time

  It just so happens that most of the court dates coincided with important dates in our lives. Nic's first court date was set for April 7th, our oldest son's birthday. The second hearing was scheduled for April 24th, our daughter's birthday. It was no surprise to me, then, that Nic's sentencing court date was scheduled for our 9th wedding anniversary, June 23rd. I'm not sure why it happened that way and it kind of baffles me that THREE times in a row court dates were scheduled for important days. I don't think it was a coincidence. There was a divine purpose behind that I'm sure. It may have been to create more of an impact on Nic.
  Because I was able to secure a recorded confession from Nic, our daughter didn't have to appear in court and testify. Which was a huge relief and one of my main motivations for doing it in the first place. I, however, still had to prepare a "victim impact statement". The purpose of the statement was basically to tell the judge my view and my opinion on the matter. It was my chance to have a voice. It could even sway the verdict. I fasted, prayed, and received a couple of priesthood blessings. I wanted to be sure that what I said in my statement reflected how I felt but mostly I wanted to make sure that what I said was what Heavenly Father wanted me to say. I rewrote and tweaked that statement so many times it's ridiculous. I knew that Heavenly Father knew what Nic needed and what my family needed to heal. He had knowledge that I didn't. So I prayed for guidance that I might say the right things and the right thing would happen regarding his sentencing. I was to read my statement at his sentencing.
  Our daughter was also given the opportunity to prepare a statement. Hers would be read either by myself or the judge could read it beforehand. I felt impressed to read it aloud in court. I can remember so vividly talking to her about it with her counselor. She knew she wanted to say something. She didn't hesitate or waste any time. Her statement was simple but powerful, "I miss you daddy, I love you. I'm glad I told. I wanted it to stop." To the point. I had agonized over my statement for weeks and here was this daughter of mine completely amazing me, yet again, with her maturity.
  The day of the sentencing came and because it was our anniversary I made plans to go to the temple that morning before court. I knew I needed the extra strength and I wanted Heavenly Father to know that I still cherished and honored those covenants I made nine years ago. As I was driving to drop the kids off at my friend Janae's house my daughter asked me why I was dressed up and where I was going. "To the temple and then to court like we talked about." "Why are you going to the temple?" she questioned. "Because it's the day your daddy and I got married and I made special promises to Heavenly Father." "It's your anniversary and you have to go to court! That's crazy mom! You're supposed to go on a date on your anniversary! Maybe next year you can go on a date with somebody for your anniversary." She was absolutely appalled that court was scheduled on our anniversary. She made me chuckle about going on a date with somebody else. "I'm not sure that's quite how it works baby girl". Even my eight year old thought it was insane timing.
  I didn't have time to do an endowment session so I did a few initiatory's instead. I'm glad it worked out that way because the blessings that are unique to initiatory's is just what I needed that day to prepare me for court. When I left the temple I sat on the bench for a moment and watched a newly married couple get their pictures taken. It was so surreal to me that it had been me nine years ago and here I was sitting nine years later preparing to deliver a statement that might send him to prison. I began to cry as I thought of everything Nic had so carelessly thrown away. I would have given him everything! At times I even tried to at my own expense. I looked up and through my tears I could see the Angel Moroni and I decided in that moment to commit to myself and to Heavenly Father that I would continue to keep my eyes focused on the temple. I would not forsake my temple covenants. With that promise I had new strength and determination. I stood up and took a few pictures of the temple before leaving for court. I knew what I was standing for was right. I knew that I had been guided. I knew that keeping my temple covenants was empowering me.
  I met my sister and drove to the courthouse with her. My brother Bryon and his wife Mishawn were there to support me as well as my closest friends. It was different than I thought it would be. We had to sit for quite a while and wait for Nic's turn. While we were waiting we were witnessing other people's trials. It felt so invasive of their privacy. Finally it was Nic's turn. Seeing him with all of the light sucked out of him was a stark comparison to the Nic in a tux nine years before. They were two COMPLETELY different people! The prosecuting attorney was amazing and her witness coordinator was superb. The coordinator sat by me the entire time and broke down all of the lawyer lingo for me. She comforted me and even joked with me. I couldn't have asked for anyone better! Finally my turn came. I got up and in a dreamlike state read my statement. Right when I started to read the thought came to me, "look up often and make eye contact with the judge". I was calm and collected in my heart but I did choke up when I mentioned our anniversary and again when I talked about our daughter. I had to stop and collect myself for a minute before continuing. After reading mine I read our daughter's statement. Which I think was the perfect way to end. Then Nic had a chance to say something. He didn't say much and there was very little conviction or emotion in his voice.
   I had been told to expect what they call a 6 month rider program. Which means he would basically get prison time for only six months. It's a little more complicated than that but it's irrelevant. The judge delivered his verdict and every single person in the room was stunned including the prosecuting attorney. 5 years fixed prison time with up to 20 years! Some people were happy but I was so confused. 6 months is much shorter than 5 years! I was in shock. I knew it was what was right but I wasn't expecting it at all. After court my sister and I got in her car and just cried. It was a sad thing that it had come to this. He was going to miss 5 whole years, at least, of the kids lives. The baby would be 7 when he got out if not older! Our daughter would be a teenager! Those were 5 precious years he would miss. How could he have done this? He threw away those years! My first concern was protecting my kids and I accomplished that but it didn't make it any easier to process. After getting dropped off I went up to my closet and sobbed on the floor. Again, prayer was the only place I could turn for comfort.
   I will always remember that day and I will always feel a pang when I think of it. Despite the horrendous nature of the majority of the day I will also always remember that morning sitting outside the temple making promises. That morning I made a promise that was crucial for me to make. Moving forward with my life I need to remember that promise. My eyes are still focused on the temple!!! Always and forever I will do my best to honor those covenants. My covenants are personal and it doesn't matter that he didn't keep his. What matters is what I do with mine. His actions don't justify me breaking my own covenants. I hold them sacred and I look forward to a time when I can be sealed to someone who also holds them sacred. I look forward to a time when I can be in the temple with my own children. How much pride and joy that would bring to my heart! I know that if I want to teach my kids that the temple is an important goal then I need to be an example! I need to live it and not waiver! They need to know with absolute certainty that their mom cherishes her temple covenants! ( I do not wish to make anyone feel bad if they have not always kept their covenants. I am not perfect. In all reality I don't perfectly keep all of my temple covenants, really most of us don't. That's another tangent for another time. Again I am not pointing fingers or pushing anyone down to lift myself higher. I am not your judge! I am simply stating how I felt that day and how I feel today about the temple. )
   June 23rd was one of the best days of my life! I will never forget the way I felt making promises to Nic and Heavenly Father. June 23rd will always be a little bitter for me but mostly it is sweet. The sweetness comes from Heavenly Father and keeping His temple covenants even in difficult times!


                                                                    June 23, 2006

 

June 23, 2015

 

 

I've been waiting for you!

    The end of a relationship can be scary and confusing especially if that relationship ended unexpectedly. I continued to go to the counselor at LDS services for a few months without Nic. I had already decided there was no hope for the marriage but there were so many conflicting, lingering feelings. I often felt so lost and confused but once I started talking to my counselor he helped me see that I already knew the answers. He was a great listener and it was life saving to have someone neutral with no personal investment to hash it out with. One of my biggest fears that we addressed was how to avoid getting in a toxic relationship again. I had been very deeply hurt and my wounds were still so raw. I was TERRIFIED of relationships. I didn't want one ever again! I was fully prepared to focus on my schooling and advance myself in the career of my choice and be completely content to devote all of my free time to my kids. After a few sessions of talking about this topic finally my counselor just came out with it, he gently said, "Is that really what you want? One day you could be very happy in a relationship. Relationships are hard but they aren't usually as hard as yours was." The wall I had been building up came crashing down and tears streamed down my face, "I don't trust my judgment anymore. I'm so forgiving and nonjudgmental that I don't usually view someone's past as red flags or warning signs. Everyone has a past so how do I know they are sincerely a good person?" What he said next is something I will not forget when the time comes for me to date. He said, "It's true that everyone has a past. What matters is that you pay attention to who he is now and his motives. Is he still in the process of figuring out who he is or does he know who he is? Is he going to church more now because of you or has he been going consistently for a block of time before you? He should have a desire in him to be better than he was yesterday before you even enter the picture." I found this to be pretty sound advice. It seemed to just click with me deep down. It's such a simple concept I had heard before but my fear had completely clouded my ability to understand it as it applied to me.
   I left that session that day with hope for my future. For the first time since I received the awful news in January I began to believe I could have another relationship again and this time it would be better. For the first time in months I began to trust myself and my judgment. Most importantly I began to realize that Heavenly Father had a plan for me and shutting down in fear and bitterness was not in the blueprints. I began to heal that day.
  Here I am months later and I just attended the temple yesterday and as I sat in the Celestial room I was reminded again that Heavenly Father is directing my paths. I received many deeply personal and sacred revelations as I meditated there with a prayer in my heart. The veil felt very thin and it was almost as if I could see my life unfolding. There are no words adequate enough to describe the love one can feel from Heavenly Father in the temple.
   If you have been hurt it is so scary to let those walls down. Trust me I know. I also know I wasn't really happy being cynical. My life was being run by my fear. Thankfully, because I had a good counselor, it didn't take me too long to realize that wasn't a way to live. Marriage is tough but it was always meant to be a blessing to us. Since Adam and Eve it was always intended to enrich our lives and help us obtain eternal salvation. We were never meant to go through life alone. Let down your walls! Be brave and fearless and let God's wisdom direct you in the relationships you choose. Personal prayer and revelation can and should guide you to make wise decisions provided you are obedient to the revelations you receive. Old habits sometimes make me doubt how much I deserve a happy relationship. "Is it really possible for me? What do I have to offer that is so special?" Those thoughts come from Satan! Whenever I kneel in prayer or attend the temple those thoughts dissipate as quickly as they formed. Heavenly Father always reminds me of my worth and what I have to offer and what a relationship has to offer me. Satan wants us to be miserable. He wants us to be alone and bitter. Don't let him in! You are a child of God with unique and divine attributes and you are worth loving! I have seen far too many people get out of a bad relationship with little to no self esteem left. Be proud of who you are because of where you came from. YOU ARE A CHILD OF GOD AND YOU DESERVE ALL OF THE BLESSINGS HEAVENLY FATHER HAS TO OFFER SO CLAIM THEM! I realize that His timing is different than our timing. Sometimes we have to wait much longer than we have wanted but don't allow a bad attitude to hide the opportunities that He may be trying to present to you.
    I don't know His timing for me. I could be single until I'm sixty. What I do know is that at some point, whether in this life or the next, I will have the opportunity to find my forever sweetheart. When that opportunity comes I'm not going to let depression and fear keep me from jumping in with both feet exclaiming, "I've been waiting for you!"
 

Covenant Keeping Women

    Tonight I was preparing a lesson to teach my Beehives (12-14 yr. old girls) tomorrow at church and I felt so touched by the spirit that I had to share. The lesson I'm teaching is ,"Why are covenants important in my life?"  At the top of every lesson is a little box for the teachers that says, "Prepare yourself spiritually". In that box they usually pose some questions to get you thinking about that topic. The little box in this particular lesson said:

                         "How have your covenants influenced your life?
                           What blessings have you received as you have
                           made and kept sacred covenants?

                           How can you help the young women understand
                           the covenants they have made and will make in the
                           future? How will understanding covenants
                           influence the young women to live more righteously?"

   This must have been something I needed to review and reflect on because after reading just that first paragraph I was crying. I wish I could take everything I feel in my heart about the covenants I have made and just let everyone feel it through my heart. My heart feels so full of gratitude for the covenants I have made. It's almost impossible for me to explain the blessings I've received from making those covenants because they are indefinite.
    Despite my marriage ending, the day that I was sealed in the temple to Nic remains one of the most special days of my life. Never in my life have I felt more love from Heavenly Father than I did that day making sacred covenants. Every part of my being was engulfed in what I can only describe as the pure love of Christ. I cherish all of the covenants I have made and I have a testimony that as I strive to remember them and live them daily that I am blessed. I can feel it in the quiet moments when I have a chance to reflect. I feel those blessings fill in all of my cracks. Honoring those covenants keeps me whole.
    A few scriptures and talks are always listed as references for the lessons. All of the scriptures and talks touched me but a talk by President Henry B. Eyring titled, "Daughters in the Covenant" really touched me. In this talk he discusses the covenants we make when we are baptized. He references a scripture in the Book of Mormon about some of the baptismal covenants and goes on to reference it to women in particular.

Mosiah 18: 8-9

 8 And it came to pass that he said unto them: Behold, here are the waters of Mormon (for thus were they called) and now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light;

 9 Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that ye may have eternal life—

 

    Again tears openly flowed down my cheeks as I realized all of the faithful, covenant keeping women in my life. We promised at baptism to, "mourn with those that mourn" and "comfort those that stand in need of comfort". I have seen so many women keep this particular covenant through serving me.

     There's Amy who is an angel (pun intended, for those of you that know her you will get it). Multiple times Amy has watched my kids for extended blocks of time with nothing but a smile on her face while doing it. She has never made me feel like my kids were a burden.

     Janae who has always been so willing to help with my kids as well. She has always been such a positive person to be around. She lifts my spirits and cries when I cry.

     Diana who has been a voice of reason and wisdom. A friend that listens and understands.

     My friend Shannon has stocked my fridge and freezer while watching my kids so I could attend Young Women's. She didn't even say a word and still pretends she doesn't know what I'm talking about.

     Jaynee has brought me many dirty diet cokes. (God bless her). She has paid my utility bills when I didn't know how I was going to pay them. She has helped me paint and fix up my house into the late hours of the night.

     Julie, who doesn't even know how much it means to me that she is so patient with my almost four year old who won't go to sunbeams. Week after week she allows him to come into nursery and helps him transition into primary.

    There's a gal I'm quite fond of named Chantal who is so genuine and kind. I can count on her for a laugh every time I have a conversation with her. Her kiddos are also quite nifty.

     You've already heard me mention Tory and there are no words for the gratitude I feel for her services she extended to me those first few days. She dropped everything with the support of her family to be there for me day or night. She made my pain her pain.

     There are so many others that deserve to be mentioned. So many that support me through kind words and a smiling face. So many women who have mourned with me and taken the time to comfort me. I'm just scratching the surface. I haven't even touched on the women in my family yet!!
      My mom, who has always been an example to me of keeping covenants even through trials. She continues to grow in the gospel and is a source of light and knowledge for me. The time, sweat, tears, and money she has put into her service to me blows me away and I pray to keep my covenants as well as she does.
      My sister has spent hours serving my little family. She loves my kids like they are her own. She never wavers in her faith and is always there when I need her.
      Sister-in-laws have sent me uplifting thoughts and quotes regularly to help lift my spirits. One watched my kids for four days along with her four children who are similar ages. That makes 8 kids 11 and under!!!
      Aunts and more sisters have been a listening ear and have said many prayers for me. They have extended financial donations.

      Reading this talk I felt so uplifted and honored to have these covenant keeping women in my life. They are such examples to me!! They are God's hands and instruments and many of my prayers have been answered through them. I don't know what I ever did to deserve such generosity! I think that's the point, I didn't do anything to deserve it and they did it anyway just because that's who they are.

      I have been thinking a lot about compassion lately and pondering how one develops it. It's a topic I'm very intrigued by. I don't understand why some people so often don't seem to have that virtue? This lesson I prepared tonight helped me realize on a deeper level that compassion and service go hand in hand. To those women that have served me and to women everywhere who are serving those around them I say thank you! I want to be more like you! My hope is that I can be more aware of those around me and continue to fulfill the covenants I made at baptism.

    I highly recommend that you click on the link to President Eyring's talk above and read it! Truly it is a very powerful reminder of the blessings that we will receive if we keep our covenants. Further more, it was an excellent reminder of the divine virtues women have been blessed with by nature. I could feel the Spirit testifying to me that those things are true.

 

 

Just Enough

    I'm a side sleeper and I usually wake up on my right side. So the next morning when I woke up the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was this picture in a cute frame that said forever on it.

 

I couldn't move. The day before all came rushing back to me. "Yesterday really happened. I am not dreaming, this is real." I had a pit in my stomach as I stared at Nic's face. He looked so happy and full of light. How could we have gotten to this point? I promised him forever and I wanted to spend forever with him but it looked like that would not be happening anymore. My body felt like lead and tears welled in my eyes. My sister was still asleep downstairs on the couch and my house was still quiet. I don't know how long I laid there and softy cried onto my pillow. I felt completely alone in that moment. Darkness took over and I could feel the hopelessness and depression kick in. I had an eye exam, of all things, that morning so finally I sat up. I really couldn't afford to miss this eye exam because I was on my last pair of contacts. When I sat up I saw a different picture.

 

When my sister had come back over the night before with her overnight bag she also brought this picture and put it on an easel in the corner of my room. "I want you to look at this and remember who has you." She said. That morning as I saw this picture tears filled my eyes again but this time with hope. "I am not alone. I can do this. He has me." I was able to get out of bed and put one foot in front of the other.
       I went to my eye exam in a daze. It was so weird to go out in public and realize that life was still going on like normal for everybody else. I had experienced this sensation once before when I lost my dad. It felt like everybody should stop and life should stand still because my life as I knew it had stopped. I can only imagine what I looked like or what the optometrist thought as he examined my blood shot eyes from crying all night. I felt and probably looked like a zombie.
      Later that afternoon my friend Tory came over again and watched the kids so I could attend the temple with my brother, sister, and brother-in-law. My brother picked me up and we all rode together to the Boise Temple. It was a Saturday afternoon and the weather was nice. Oddly enough one of the things that stuck out to me the most from that day was the way my brother treated me. He opened ALL of the doors for me. It's such a little thing but it seemed so strange to me because Nic wasn't in the habit of opening the doors for me. I guess after a while I had forgotten what that felt like. I remember thinking I was being shown more respect from my brother that day than I had felt from Nic in a long time.
      The minute I walked into the endowment room I heard VERY clearly, "you need to go to school and pursue a nursing degree." Okay. Random. Things were so fresh still and the accusations against Nic weren't even proven yet. I didn't even know where the truth was and that is what I needed to hear? Over time I have come to be very grateful for that answer to a problem I hadn't even thought about yet. I feel very strongly that Heavenly Father didn't want me to have to worry about that on top of everything else He knew I was going to have to do. What a blessing that answer has been to me. School has been the one thing so far that I haven't had to question or wait for answers.
     My sister and I held hands during the temple session and just wept. I needed the answers. I needed to know if what they said Nic had done was true. In my heart I felt sorrowful because I had a feeling it was true. Nic had a rough childhood I guess you could say. He made some mistakes and had fought really hard to overcome them. I ached for it to not be true. I didn't want all of that work he did to be for naught. I ached because I knew the pain he had gone through. He often opened up to me about his trials and I thought because of what he'd been through he would never do anything like this. I cried for my kids. Especially for my daughter. If this wasn't true than what had happened to her to make her say such a thing? What had my poor little girl endured and I had no clue? What must she have felt and gone through? On the flip side if this was in fact true than I was so proud of her for being brave and telling someone. I was amazed that she at 7 years old felt she could speak up and tell someone. I was amazed that she hadn't shown any signs of depression despite what she must have experienced.
    Going to the temple that day was the best thing I could have done. The comfort it provided was desperately needed. The answers I received were critical. The time to reflect and contemplate was essential. I truly believe had I not gone to the temple that very next day that this would have all played out very differently. I am so thankful for the temple. Honestly speaking I didn't always love attending the temple. I don't know quite why but I would always kind of dread attending. I think it was a combination of things that made me feel uncomfortable about attending (nothing that happens in the temple) but since that day I feel so much excitement when I have an opportunity to attend and feel that spirit that is unique to the temple.
    Between the picture my sister brought over and the opportunity to attend the temple I didn't feel alone that day either. I had moments like that morning where I felt alone. I still struggled with so many emotions but I was given just enough strength to keep moving forward. I think sometimes Heavenly Father doesn't bless us abundantly with strength and courage, sometimes He gives us just enough. I think He wants us to remember we need Him and to come to Him often. If we ask He will always help us but He wants us to keep learning and growing so He only gives us enough gas to get to a certain destination. Once we get to that destination we have to stop and ask Him for more gas to get to the next destination. One thing at a time.

Isaiah 28:10
For precept must be upon
precept, precept upon
precept ; line upon line, line
upon line ; here a little, and
there a little:
  
Be patient with Heavenly Father as He is with us. The answers will come on His timing. He will help you with what He knows you need help with in that moment nothing more. He wants you to keep coming back to Him and then He will help you with the next thing. It is my testimony that He loves us beyond measure and that He knows what is better for us than we do. We need to trust in Him and His methods. This is quite possibly the hardest thing for me to remember as I am a very impatient person. I want answers now! I feel entitled sometimes like I went to the temple and said my prayers, I've been faithful so I've earned all the answers. I have to humble myself daily to His methods and have patience with His plan for me. When I humble myself sufficiently I am given just enough to make me strong for the time needed. Let just enough be enough.