Compassion, Love, and Charity

    I was dreading Valentines Day. I didn't know what to expect emotionally. I still missed Nic and yet I was so angry with him for what he'd done to our family. I was angry that he didn't turn himself in and that I had to do it. I was angry that he kept telling me he was sorry and that he loved us but his actions said otherwise. Anger is a secondary emotion so really I was hurt. I felt rejected. Logically I knew Nic had serious mental issues and addictions and that's why he did what he did but in my heart I couldn't understand why he didn't fight harder for us. I kept asking myself why he didn't seek help. Why couldn't he be strong enough for us? Why weren't we worth it to him? I had a hard time comprehending what he had done. I would rather have chopped off my own hand then do the things he had done with his. I didn't understand the illness and the perversion at all. I felt like he had chosen a disgusting habit over us and essentially he did.
  Valentines Day came all the same. That's the thing about life; it doesn't stop because we aren't ready to process it. I woke up that morning and stared up at my ceiling feeling completely empty. I was trying to talk myself into putting on a happy face for my kids when the doorbell rang. Still in my pajamas I cautiously answered the door and saw four angels on my doorstep. Shannon, Janae, Diana, and Tory had come bearing gifts. They had brought me a basket full of my favorite treats. The compassion didn't stop there. They had also brought each one of my kids their own stuffed animal and a little bag of candy. My mom was staying with me at the time and they also remembered her and brought her a bag of chocolate. Upon further inspection I realized there were homemade coupons in my basket. They each gave me a hug and went on with their day and their plans to celebrate with their own families. After they left I pulled out the coupons and read them one by one. There were 32 of them!! All kinds of things were listed on the coupons: popcorn and movie night with the kids, lunch on the girls, a crepe dinner from Tory, cinnamon rolls from Shannon, weekly lunch dates with Janae, family pictures from Diana, walks on the greenbelt, free babysitting, lawn care, swimming for my kids, etc. I was so overwhelmed with love and gratitude! It still brings tears to my eyes. At a time when I couldn't feel any compassion from Nic I had been shown more compassion from these four friends then I knew what to do with. My heart felt like it was on empty and they had just topped off the tank! I was worth loving! My little family was worth fighting for! We had every right to feel loved and special on Valentines Day!
   I have pondered a lot during these last six months about compassion and charity. Why do some people love as much as they are capable but they don't seem to understand compassion? They don't understand what real love is? Real love, pure love, isn't just saying you love someone. It isn't even feeling love for someone. Pure love is caring so much about someone that you have no choice but to help them. Your love for them is so deep that you are moved to act in a manner that would benefit their well being. I think compassion is very similar except that you don't always have to love that specific person but you love Heavenly Father so much you have no choice but to help one of His children. I continue to study compassion, love, and charity. I want to understand these virtues on a deeper level than I have before. I want to know how to instill them in my children. I don't ever want to be the source of so much pain for others like Nic has been for us.
   When I look at my children I can't fathom not feeling compassion for them. I do believe Nic worries about them. I do think he loves them as much as he is capable. However,  I don't think he understands pure love. I don't think he has true compassion for them. There is a difference. I ache for Nic. I ache that he doesn't get it. I ache that his lack of compassion thus far has severely damaged relationships with his children. I still feel so much concern for his well being as a child of God. I still hope he can learn to develop compassion and pure love.
   Someone recommended to me that I read a few chapters in Jesus the Christ. I haven't gotten very far but I was reading about the parable of the ten virgins and this passage stuck out to me:

     " The Bridegroom is the Lord Jesus; the marriage feast symbolizes His coming in glory, to receive unto Himself the Church on earth as His bride. The virgins typify those who profess a belief in Christ, and who, therefore, confidently expect to be included among the blessed participants at the feast. The lighted lamp, which each of the maidens carried, is the outward profession of Christian belief and practice; and in the oil reserves of the wiser ones we may see the spiritual strength and abundance which diligence and devotion in God’s service alone can insure. The lack of sufficient oil on the part of the unwise virgins is analogous to the dearth of soil in the stony field, wherein the seed readily sprouted but soon withered away. The Bridegroom’s coming was sudden; yet the waiting virgins were not held blamable for their surprise at the abrupt announcement, but the unwise five suffered the natural results of their unpreparedness. The refusal of the wise virgins to give of their oil at such a critical time must not be regarded as uncharitable; the circumstance typifies the fact that in the day of judgment every soul must answer for himself; there is no way by which the righteousness of one can be credited to another’s account; the doctrine of supererogation is wholly false. The Bridegroom’s condemnatory disclaimer, “I know you not,” was equivalent to a declaration that the imploring but neglectful ones, who had been found unready and unprepared, did not know Him."

    I could not and cannot give my charity or compassion to Nic or anyone else. These virtues must be obtained individually. I can act with compassion towards others but they have to develop their own compassion. I have been inspired by others acting with compassion to develop my own.
     I pray that as I move forward with my life and as I continue to study compassion and charity that I will be of service to my Heavenly Father. I pray that I can do what those four ladies did for me that morning; give someone hope. Remind someone that they are worth loving and fighting for! If you feel rejected or unloved in any way, remember you are worth being loved! You are worth fighting for!! Fight for yourself if no one else will! Don't ever let someone else's actions determine your level of worth! No matter what you've done or where you've been you are worth something to Heavenly Father! Christ truly was the ultimate example of compassion. He had so much compassion for us that He took our sins and our pains and made them His own!!!