"Not as I will, but as thou wilt."

  Flashback to a summer morning 11 years ago. I was sixteen and I had been up late the night before with some friends. I woke up around 10:00 am and moseyed out to the kitchen to have a bowl of cereal. I can still remember what I was wearing that morning when the phone rang. I answered the phone and it was my Uncle Walter. "Is your mom there Celeste?" The tone of his voice made my stomach drop. With just that one sentence I knew something was seriously wrong. I went to get my mom who was waving goodbye to my Aunt Shar on the porch. As she talked to my Uncle Walter on the phone I carefully observed every expression on her face, every inflection in her voice trying to pick up clues as to what was wrong. She hung up and told me to follow her back to her bedroom. I left my uneaten bowl of cereal on the table and we went back to her room where she told me that my dad had suffered a heart attack. He had been out of town with my Uncle Walter in Rock Springs, Wyoming for work. He was being life flighted to LDS hospital downtown Salt Lake. Without wasting any time my mom suggested we kneel down in prayer. She offered the prayer and the first words out of her mouth were, "Lord help us to accept Thy will." Over and over again she said those same words. We both cried in pain and agony. In our hearts we both felt that my dad wasn't going to live. The words my mom offered up that day in prayer have been a powerful lesson to me. As a young girl, even knowing my dad would not live, had I been the one to say the prayer I would've said, "please let him live".
   Throughout my life I've reflected on that moment often. My mom's wisdom and desire to be obedient inspired her to align her will with the Father's. She didn't even hesitate for a moment. She knew that she needed to accept the Lord's will immediately. In a time of absolute despair and shock she was not concerned about what she wanted but what the Father wanted for her. So throughout my life as I've had trials and challenges that I thought would break me I have reflected on that moment and my mother's example. I have prayed to accept His will for me in my life. It is NOT an easy thing to do!
   This morning I was reading in Jesus the Christ again. I have been contemplating where my life should go now that it has been turned upside down. What does Heavenly Father want for me and my children? His answers have not always been what I have wanted them to be. Just yesterday I pleaded in prayer, "Haven't I suffered enough? Why must I do such hard things still?"  In Jesus the Christ I read another passage that helped me immensely!

               "Christ’s agony in the garden is unfathomable by the finite mind, both as to intensity and cause. The thought that He suffered through fear of death is untenable. Death to Him was preliminary to resurrection and triumphal return to the Father from whom He had come, and to a state of glory even beyond what He had before possessed; and, moreover, it was within His power to lay down His life voluntarily. He struggled and groaned under a burden such as no other being who has lived on earth might even conceive as possible. It was not physical pain, nor mental anguish alone, that caused Him to suffer such torture as to produce an extrusion of blood from every pore; but a spiritual agony of soul such as only God was capable of experiencing. No other man, however great his powers of physical or mental endurance, could have suffered so; for his human organism would have succumbed, and syncope would have produced unconsciousness and welcome oblivion. In that hour of anguish Christ met and overcame all the horrors that Satan, “the prince of this world” could inflict."

"From the terrible conflict in Gethsemane, Christ emerged a victor. Though in the dark tribulation of that fearful hour He had pleaded that the bitter cup be removed from His lips, the request, however oft repeated, was always conditional; the accomplishment of the Father’s will was never lost sight of as the object of the Son’s supreme desire."

   As I read this passage it hit me with greater force that Christ had suffered the unfathomable. A pain so great that, "no other man, however great his powers of physical or mental endurance, could have suffered". He asked not once, not twice, but three times for the cup to pass from Him, always adding a desire to do the Father's will. He "fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt."
  Yesterday I prayed multiple times for strength to accept His will. I felt inadequate to accomplish the things I felt inspired to do. I was physically and emotionally worn down. I uttered, "I don't know how much more I can take." Having read this passage this morning I am reminded of the ULTIMATE example of aligning one's will to the Father's. I am humbled as I realize what I am being asked to do is far less than what our Savior was asked to do. I am humbled as I realize that because of the Savior's desire to accomplish the Father's will I am NEVER alone in my struggles. What the Savior did that day in the Garden of Gethsemane made it possible for so much joy and hope for all of mankind! The Savior trusted the Father's will, despite His desire to have it pass from Him, and marvelous and great things were the product of His obedience. Why would I think it would be any different for me in my life? Why would I doubt? If I align myself to what Heavenly Father wants for me I will be blessed. This is where faith comes in.
   I am so grateful for my mom's example that day! It has been a powerful example and lesson to me that I will never forget! I am grateful for the Savior's perfect example! His love for the Father was so strong that He was able to do what no other man could. "Christ emerged a victor" so that we could be victor's in our lives!!

            I've shared this picture before but this is my incredible mom and dad

the summer before he passed away.