Because He Loves Me

     I was driving home from church one Sabbath day and I was reflecting on my life and all of the things that had brought me closer to Heavenly Father. What was it that built my testimony? I think YW was a major influence on me. Then when I was 16 my dad passed away unexpectedly. I went through the temple two years after that. I became a mother. I received a calling in YW and again the program was a strong influence. Now, of course, I have been going through a divorce. I began to wonder why they all affected me in the same way to grow in faith when a lot of them were so very different.
    Young Women's was the first time I really understood who I was. I felt completely comfortable for the first time in my skin and I knew I was a daughter of God. I think reciting the theme every single Sunday drilled into me my worth. It was such a positive affirmation to me and I can never go back or deny who I am.

 

 

   I was so blessed to have so many wonderful leaders and friendships in my ward that strengthened my testimony. Over the years my leaders have turned into friends and I'm pleased to say I still keep in contact with quite a few of the friends I had then. One thing I will never forget about my time in YW as a girl is when my mom got called to be Young Women's president when I was entering laurels. I remember when they read her name over the pulpit and my jaw literally dropped open. The bishopric had a good laugh over my reaction. Shortly after she was called I went back to school and received a father's blessing.(More on the significance of that blessing will come later.) Fast forward a year later and my first girl's camp with my mom came around. She was not a camper to say the least so we went to my aunt's cabin in Cedar City and had more of a pampered retreat. When I say pampered I mean pampered. We actually got pedicures at girl's camp. Oh boy, that's my mom for you! It was a very spiritual time for me though. I remember all of us girl's slept out on the deck and one night I happened to be out there alone and I sat and stared out over Cedar City and marveled at the view. The sunset was breathtaking and suddenly the spirit brought a common LDS painting to my mind. This painting is called, "O Jerusalem". It depicts Christ sitting on a mountain looking down over the city.

 

The artist, Greg Olsen, describes it this way:
                                       
"Twenty-five years ago I attempted to portray the thoughts and feelings I experienced the first time I climbed the Mount of Olives and looked over the city of Jerusalem. What emerged from that attempt was this painting entitled, “O Jerusalem”. Like many visitors to that ancient city, I tried to imagine what it would have been like to be there at the time when Jesus looked out over the same horizon. I recalled his tender lament for the inhabitants of that city and likened it to myself, wondering how often He had tried to gather me under his wing. Today, as I look upon this image, it is a fond reminder of my visit to that special place, but perhaps more importantly it has become a reminder of that special place within all of us that we can return to and simply “be still”. It is a place of contemplation and communion. It is a place where we are allowed to see the world and ourselves through the Savior’s eyes and from his perspective. It is to that inner place that I love to return where I feel as though I’m sitting on a rock beside the Savior with his protective wing enfolding me knowing that he is with us always!"
—-Greg Olsen

     Now I had never heard the artist's description of it before but as I sat there gazing out over Cedar City I had a lot of those same thoughts. The spirit that I felt as I soaked in every ounce of that moment as I could was palpable. I will never forget that moment. If I close my eyes I can still see the burnt orange sky, feel the cool air, and smell the trees.
    It is worth noting that my dad was also at girl's camp. He came up as our priesthood help. At the time I didn't think it was so great to have both of my parents at girl's camp but in retrospect it was a blessing.
    Where am I going with this? Girl's camp was in June and the very next month my dad had a heart attack and passed away. Just a couple of years ago I was rereading one of my teenage journals and I came to an entry about a back to school blessing my dad had given me. The last back to school blessing he ever gave me. I had written down that my blessing from my dad said, "the coming year will be one of the hardest years of your life but it will also be a year that will bring much opportunity for growth". Chills down my back and tears in my eyes it hit me, my dad had given me a blessing that had prepared me for his own death. I thought about how I was prepared and realized looking back that having my dad at girl's camp was a gift. Having my mom in Young Women's with me was a gift. Having that strong spiritual experience was an added strength to my testimony right when I would need my testimony most. All of it was perfectly laid out in God's plan. His timing was unnoticed by me but He had been preparing me all along to handle the loss of my dad. He was acutely aware of the trial I would face and how hard it would be for me. He had done everything in His power to make it easier for me. Fortunately at that time in my life I let Him help me not even realizing what He was doing. I had received strength BEFORE I even knew I needed it.
    Eight years later I again had an opportunity to be a part of the Young Women's program. This time as a leader. I saw immediate growth. The girl's were infectious and their testimonies were so bright. It was impossible to be with them and not receive more light and strength. The program itself and its curriculum are truly inspired and divine. The women I have served with have truly become some of the best, dearest friends I have ever had. The things we've been through together and the strength they've given me is beyond words. I saw my testimony getting stronger and stronger. Then disaster struck again and I once again find myself in a beyond difficult situation. My eternal marriage is coming to an end. My child had been abused. As I sat in the car that day it occurred to me that once again Young Women's had come to my rescue before I even knew I needed help. I felt so overwhelmed with love from Heavenly Father. The things He placed in my path and the times He did was no coincidence. He knew what I would face and what I needed to be able to face it.
    I'm sitting here in tears overwhelmed with love again as I share these experiences. What has He done for you to help you in your times of need? Have you thought about it? Did you let Him in? What has His hand done in your life to prepare you and comfort you? What has He done for you because He loves you, because He wants you to come closer to Him?
   It is my testimony that He has directed my paths and He has had a plan for me even when I didn't see it or know I needed a plan. It is my testimony that I am a Daughter of a Heavenly Father and He loves me so He gave me things to grow so that I might be closer to Him. He gave me trials and challenges to humble and teach me but He also prepared me for those trials and challenges. Look back on your life and find those things He did for you because He loved you. His plan is not our plan and the things that have happened to me I would never have guessed might happen to me. They were never a thought in my head. Yet here I am and I'm even more sure than ever before that He loves me. I matter to Him. He has directed my paths and given me strength all along the way.