Covenant Keeping Men

  Four years ago today I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. Everything went well during the delivery and Nic and I were overjoyed to have a third addition to our little family. Later that night, well past midnight I woke up with a weird sensation ; I felt like I was swimming. I opened my eyes only to discover that there was blood everywhere. The entire bed was soaked and the base of the hospital bed was surrounded in blood. Even more alarming the blood was coming from me!!! I tried to wake Nic up and was yelling as loudly as I dared since it was the middle of the night. (In retrospect I don't know why I was concerned about being quiet. Apparently I have good manners even when I'm in grave danger). When he didn't hear me I threw one of my pillows at him. (On second thought, about the manners...) He finally woke up and when he sat up I saw his eyes go wide with fear. He quickly ran out into the hall and notified the nurses. Why didn't I think of notifying the nurses? Hello! I had a button right on my bed! A nurse came in and when she saw the state of the room she realized she was going to need some help. She literally ran out of the room. "Nic, I need you to give me a blessing!" While we were waiting for the nurse to get back he performed a priesthood blessing right then and there. The nurse came back with another nurse and immediately they got to work. I had hemorrhaged. I was given a medication in my IV, a pill, and a shot in my thigh to stop the bleeding. They had bright lights shining down on me as they worked to get rid of my clots. By that point all of my pain medication had worn off and my uterus had taken a beating. I don't know if I've ever experienced more pain physically than I did that night. I kept looking up at the lights and then over to the clock. If I looked at the nurses faces it scared me. They looked so fearful and intense. I could see urgency all over their faces. It was like an out of body experience. I kept looking at that clock thinking I'm going to die. I wasn't panicked about it at all. I had come to peace with it and I said a little prayer that Nic and the kids would be okay. I'm not sure why I thought I was going to die given even if it did get worse I would have had surgery and more than likely it would have been successful. They took my vitals pretty frequently and they were amazed that my blood pressure wasn't that low. One of the nurses kept asking me, "Do you feel lightheaded or dizzy at all?" I didn't. Not even a little bit. Later I was told that had my vital signs not been so good they would've done emergency surgery. After what seemed like hours they finally got it under control and told me I needed to sleep. I wanted my baby so I had them bring him back in. That whole time they worked on me I didn't shed a single tear even though it hurt so badly. When they left and I was sure Nic had fallen sound asleep I finally began to silently cry onto my pillow. I cried for quite a while and then I painfully rolled over and saw my beautiful baby boy in his hospital bassinet right next to me. I looked at that sweet boy and suddenly I didn't care how scary that experience had been or how much I was hurting. I saw his tiny chest moving up and down and I thought ,"It was all worth it. I would do it all over again to have you."
     I was intending to write this about gratitude for priesthood holders but as I wrote that last sentence a thought came to me. Sometimes we go through really hard stuff. The worst pain we have ever experienced. We might even think we can't do it anymore or , as in my situation, that we're going to die. The pain can be brutal and unbearable physically and/or emotionally. The truth is at the end of that pain just when we finally break down and are about to give up something happens that makes it worth it. And if it's not worth it in this life it WILL be worth it in the next life! The thought that came specifically to me as I wrote that sentence was that I have been through hell and back. I have wanted to give up. I have thought about compromising my values at times just for a little relief. My kids have suffered in ways that no child should even have to suffer. However, maybe, just maybe, this will all be worth it in the end. If not in this life then surely in the next! I have said before that I know Heavenly Father has a plan for us. I just have never thought about the pain we've gone through as being a path to something better. Something that makes it all worth it. Something that needed to happen.
   Back to the priesthood. Nic was able to give me a priesthood blessing that night, although, it was not anointed it was a huge source of comfort and strength to me. Later as I was reading my patriarchal blessing I realized I had been blessed to be "sustained during childbirth". I don't think that was a coincidence. I have reflected a lot on that night because it was so traumatic and wonderful all at once. I feel so grateful for the priesthood! I'm grateful for the patriarch that gave me that blessing and his faithfulness. I'm grateful that I was able to receive a priesthood blessing that night. Now I don't know if Nic was worthy at that time or not to give me a priesthood blessing. Fortunately for me the blessing was predicated upon my faithfulness not his.
   This spring I was very eager for General Conference to arrive. I desperately craved some guidance and words of wisdom. I couldn't wait to hear from our prophet! I felt like I needed conference more than ever. I missed the Saturday morning session because one of my kids had a commitment they had to attend. My sister had seen it before me and she was a little concerned that one of the talks would be difficult for me to listen to given what I had just been through. The talk was "We'll Ascend Together " by Sister Linda K. Burton. Later that night after I got the kids to bed I sat down to watch that session I had missed. I was nervous when I saw that it was Sister Burton's turn. Not too far into her talk she said:

         "Many are hurting because of neglect, abuse, addictions, and

           incorrect traditions and culture."

  That grabbed my attention!! I suddenly felt like I had been pierced to the heart and I knew I needed to listen to this whole talk. I had been hurting because of neglect, abuse, and addictions! I bawled like a baby through that entire talk. I mean audibly sobbed. It wasn't for the reason you might think. The talk didn't turn out to be about suffering from abuse. I sobbed because she went on to praise the priesthood holders in her life. As she did so I couldn't control the tears. Having lost what I thought was a righteous priesthood holder I knew how special they really are. I bawled because I felt completely aligned in my heart with every word she said. We often talk about the divinity of women but I could see a neglect for some of the men in my life. Surely there are few things more powerful than a righteous priesthood holder!

        "It must be difficult, at best, for covenant men to live in a world that not

         only demeans their divine roles and responsibilities but also sends false

         messages about what it means to be a 'real man.' One false message is

         'It's all about me.' On the other end of the scale is the degrading and

         mocking message that husbands and fathers are no longer needed.

I plead with you not to listen to Satan's lies!"

 

  I cried as I tried to think about it from a man's perspective. They are needed! Did I make Nic feel needed and important enough? Did I value him when he was doing praiseworthy things? Now that I am trying to play the role of both mother and father I see even clearer how vital a good father is to the home! It is so critical that we are patient and loving with the men in our lives. We need to be aware of all of the things they do, not focus on all of the things they don't do. I know I often had a "honey do" list a mile long and I would get so impatient when I didn't think Nic was helping me enough or getting to it quickly enough. How I regret the way I went about seeking assistance from him! I have seen many scenarios where the wife is picking at her husband. It really saddens me. It saddens me to think that I did that.

  My hope is that we, as women, can be more appreciative of the worthy priesthood holders in our lives. Men and women are equal. One is not above the other. I am not suggesting we diminish our own divine identity as we elevate theirs. I am simply suggesting that we pause and think a minute about the blessings these men are in our lives. If you are lucky enough to be married to such a man count your blessings! Tell him how much you love him and respect him. Even better show him through your actions! If he really is exemplifying the priesthood he holds then he will show you in return how much he appreciates and love you. Don't let him feel unwanted or unnecessary. As Sister Burton illustrated in her talk; we should ascend together.