Real Beauty

   There was a period of time where I felt like my problems were so big that it was all consuming. I didn't think about others very much. I wasn't trying to be selfish but I was living in a bubble. I thought I was being a good friend, sister, daughter, etc. but my eyes weren't even really open to other people's problems. Luckily I had a few people call me out on it. Yes my problems were quite large and overwhelming but that didn't diminish anyone else's problems. No matter how big or small, the hard things they were going through were just as important as the hard things I was going through. It was a hard reality check for me. Sometimes I'm still not sure if I'm totally aware of those around me. I am doing my best to try to be more sensitive to those around me. I think that is part of the reason I needed this blog.
    Since starting this blog so many of you have shared your hardships with me. Some of you are vague and simply say you're struggling with something and some of you tell me everything. You all have given me strength by sharing with me. I am amazed at the things you have gone through and are going through and I would never have guessed. You all seem so happy and full of light. I'm sorry if this seems out of line and is offensive to some of you but I find your stories and your pain beautiful. It is beautiful that you are still so happy or are even trying to be happy. It is beautiful because it made you exactly the way you are. It is beautiful because you have triumphed and are triumphing. We all love a good story of perseverance and victory over hardship. This is no movie, this is real life. Real problems. Real people. Real strength. Real beauty. No matter how big or small the choice you made to fight is, even if it just means getting out of bed in the morning when you don't think you can, it is inspiring. So many of you are finding joy IN your pain. Not after it's over but in the thick of it. Keep going!! Keep moving forward! Don't you EVER give up!!! I am so in awe of all of you and the hard battles you fight that no one knows about. I feel privileged that you feel comfortable with me to share these stories. They make me stronger and inspire me to be that much better! I have so much respect for you all! Truly even my problems are put into perspective. The world doesn't revolve around me and I really feel that Heavenly Father has given me a wonderful opportunity to grow through you guys and this blog. So thank you for sharing with me! Thank you for sharing my blog with others and for every comment and "like" you give me! It means so much to me! Real beauty isn't how skinny you are, how perfect your complexion is, or how cute your hair looks. Real beauty is every single time you share your goodness with others. It's every single time you fight to embrace light. It's all of the tears you've shed waiting for the light to come. It's the smile on your face even when your world is falling apart. It's living your life with purpose and knowing that you matter. You are the definition of beauty to me.
   With that being said please don't ever forget your worth and never be afraid to ask someone for help. Sometimes you have to reach out to someone and borrow their strength for a little while until you get stronger. That's okay. I've done it many times. Daily we should be kneeling in prayer and asking Heavenly Father for some of His strength. We can't always do it all, that's why we have each other and prayer. I have found that most people are more than willing to lend a hand and it has truly humbled me. I don't like asking for help, in fact I despise it. I have had to ask for help more times than I can count in the last few months and guess what? It didn't kill me! In fact it made me a better person to be vulnerable and allow others to serve me. I only hope I can one day give as much as I've received. And for those of you who are like me; knowing when you need help and asking for it is beautiful! It takes courage to open up to someone and admit you need help. It can be really challenging for some of us. I so desperately want to be self- reliant and independent and do things all on my own. Right now it's not in the cards for me but I'm working to get there and until then I have to swallow my pride and remember that one day I will be there and then it will be my turn to help someone else.
   These last few months I have done things I would never even have imagined I would ever do. I have done more hard things in this short period of time than I probably did in the last 5 years. My world has been turned upside down. I am getting a divorce. I am a single parent of four kids ages 8 and under. I'm trying to go back to work after very little experience working and 7 years of being a stay at home mom. I will more than likely have to move and leave my ward behind. I'm starting school again in the fall after 10 years away. I'm constantly having to adjust my parenting to be a  better parent as my kids are going through a difficult time and I am the only parent they have, and I have virtually no money in my checking account. I think I've blown the roof off of my stress level and yet I don't feel that stressed and I wouldn't change it for my sake. I am getting stronger and I can see myself becoming more and more like the person I always knew I could be. What I've been through and where I am today makes me who I am. My pain makes me beautiful just as yours makes you beautiful to me. I like myself more now than I did a year ago when I didn't have all of those added stresses and pressures.
   I can't talk about beauty without mentioning my daughter. She is very physically beautiful but what gets me is the insane level of inner beauty she possesses. I have watched this little girl choose light before I was even ready to. You would think in this scenario that she would need my help more but it has actually been the opposite. She has been an example of Christ like love unlike any other I have ever known. The way she lives her life and carries herself with so much joy is amazing. She has been helping her brothers process all of the changes and sadness they feel. Her light never left. Here is this eight year old girl who is the direct victim of abuse, who has been betrayed by someone she trusted, and on top of it all forced to do all kinds of adult things and she is the voice of hope and forgiveness in our home. What on earth did I ever do to be worthy enough to be called her mother? I am in awe of her. Without even comprehending what stronger, braver, and fearless really mean she completely embodies them. She is a precious gift to me. I look up to her.

   Love yourself and let hardships make you better. When you get knocked down get back up swinging. Be a fighter. Fight for your life and what you want it to be. I think that 's why I like myself better now. I respect myself more. I didn't even know I was capable of being this brave, strong, or fearless. Nic has a good friend that would always tell him, "tough times don't last, tough people do". I want to end on that note. You can do anything! I promise you will surprise yourself with your own strength as you start to believe that. Once again thank you for sharing your beauty with me!